Sacred Contracts…

I am reading a book by Carolyn Myss right now called Sacred Contracts. 135 pages in, I am started to ask myself questions regarding all the contracts I may have made before this journey(my life) began. All the people i encounter in my life whether a moment in passing, or any relationship i have with anyone else..could it all really be happening just so we learn strengths and knowledge from eachother? If we believe we are more than just nothing than we must recognize that there is a purpose to all of this living.We do not have to know the whole of things but knowing there is purpose brings meaning to life. I have often had the feeling that i am still not “remembering” that purpose which i am supposed to be “remembering”.  There is this urgency within me that feels like i have so much still to do and i am moving too slowly in my spiritual awareness. At the same time i feel an imminence to something incredible about to happen. Like the moment is just right and if i do not figure it out i may miss the chance! This book has definately opened me up more to possibility. I am more willing to consider things i never would imagine twenty years ago. I am still amazed that twenty years have passed and i am still passionate about finding out this big secret that haunts me. Carolyn mentions that we have the power to choose how every transaction in our life will go. Regardless how another party may react or respond or even receive us,we can still choose either a positive or negative transaction between one person or another. When i started reading this book i put it down. I kept it for years and moved a few times taking the book along with me. Timing is everything because its like the book called out to me. After all these years i knew i had to make reading this book a priority.  The other day i came across the realization that i do have so much personal power i never realized. Like a light went on inside me. I was thinking about relationships in my life that were wearisome to me on some levels. It seemed no matter how much effort i made to connect or to be kind, others refused see me or my light. I needed to realize that i cannot make anyone like me. I had to let go of me ego being wounded over the idea that somebody DIDNT like me. I think of the idea of interacting as a grand plan for learning and growing with everyone around me now. I think of how i may have had more influence in how various interactions played out for the better if i had known not to take things so personally. I began to see how i truly want better relations with some people.My desire for this allowed me to consider that i had more power to change this if only i would consider the possibility. I never want to be someone who thinks they have all the answers figured out or that i am more “right” than everyone else. so i do try to evaluate my position in any instance that might feel unpleasant to me regarding an exchange with myself and someone else.  Someone once told me that the bravest and most wise act one can do in their life is to consider the possibility of being “wrong” no matter how obvious your position of “right” seems to be. I rejected this statement at first. I felt that some things you just “know” that you are right , therefore, the other person MUST be wrong. Over the years i tested the theory and found myself surprised by the grey areas of life that can make anyone “wrong” no matter how right BOTH parties might be. When having this revelation about my power..it came to me when thinking about how hard i try and sometimes feel like no matter how great my efforts, some people are just choosing for no good reason not to be nice to me or like me. They have chosen to see me as they want or need to. I realized that i can do nothing about that. But i could choose to be nice regardless of how others might choose to be unkind to me at all costs. I began to look at the way i have reacted and allowed relationships to evolve based upon my choices of behavior.  Sure, my stepdaughter could continue to be subliminally unkind and unaccepting of me.  Even if it made me feel bad as time went by i always had the choice to be nice and open. I kind of wished i had seen this way sooner. I looked at the drama that unfolded when my husband and i got engaged and i realized that no matter what happened i couldve always chosen to be joyful and positive . I could have at any point chosen to remain strong and joyful and loving and unaffected by unpleasant experiences.I did not always choose this. Accepting that i needed nothing in return to extend a positive part of me to others prompted me to let go of my wounded ego and text my stepdaughter in gratitude for her christmas gift this past year.I added that i was “lucky to know her” and she received me warmly and texted a loving response back to me.  I felt suddenly how powerful this effort i had made was on improving the energy between my stepdaughter and myself, I had an epiphany.When i think about how things may have gone had i been the only one to remain positive and kind throughout the drama relating to the melding of our families , i imagined it still would have been a better transaction than me allowing my personal feelings to hinder my own power to influence the vibe of everyone!! Make sense? I know that there abides a natural charisma and loving demeanor within the spirit of me. In everyone.In this moment, i now wonder how much more fun and laughter we could have had if i had realized how influential my choices and power truly were even then! Its as if i am having to DEPROGRAM all the illusions fed to me over the years. No matter how gloomy things may seem, a continuous feed of optimism and kindness eventually wins over anyones animosity or sour mood. Most people cannot continue to randomly attact another person for no reason if  the other person just stands there refusing to fight.We play these games in our own mind that convince us that we have experienced these times often enough or cumulatively to be able to predict the end result will not produce anything good. The truth is, we should never be too sure. Of how we see things. Even if we are right today, we could be very wrong about the exact same thing a year from now. Change is time is everything. It is time we embraced change for the force it is within us all. If you have decided a hundred times to attempt peace with someone and they still reject you, continue to be peaceful.maybe your contract with them is that they are reminded of peace through your behavior even if it means a lack of peace momentarily for you by their interaction with you? Maybe their contract with you is to remind you or test you for where you are at this juncture of your journey? Maybe you both need something from eachother to prepare for future situations later on in your life? Maybe you were there to show them love they desperately needed .Whether that person rejected your love or not the transaction(contract) was meant to take place? If you know YOU did not create YOU, then you know someone or something did. In your creation there are  THOUGHTS. They had to have come from somewhere or programmed within your creation so there must be some validity to thoughts in general. Whatever thoughts you have or that pass through your mind….consider that they are there for a reason.Did you create them yourself? Or were you given the capacity to manufacture new thought all on your own? Or is it a little of both? Thought, therefore , the force that it is, in its entirety could be considered”right” And no thought could possibly be considered wrong. All things begin with thought afterall. One might ask, “violent thoughts are good and right?” Whether the dark side of things is in existence to show us the divide between light and dark or for other reasons, we as humans, sometimes choose the darkside. Again if it were not meant to be, why would it be here? Is that person who chooses violence or harm to others worse of a human? Perhaps they were involved in an opportunity for growth or strength and they missed the opportunity and chose the less harmonious path? I see why we learn of words like mercy and grace.  I know i have missed my chance to learn or gain from someone elses transaction with me. I know there were times when i could have learned more patience and did not choose to do so. But i know my heart and that i am good and that there is light inside of me.  I choose not to believe that others who seem to chose more darkness than harmony are just bad apples. For even “bad apples” are naturally moving in a manner that will oneday feed and nourish the Earth for more things to grow. There is nothing bad about that. I encourage anyone to read this book. Since we all can choose the light or the dark or the grey then we must trust that we all have the potential for good things . Even if we do not see the fruit of those good things produced in the world or when they do. Read this book. I am paying attention now and considering that i have carried many things with me that no longer serve me.  Including my old thoughts and beliefs. I am excited to read more and I feel something from within side of me opening up. I have already gained so much through readig “Sacred Contracts” . I hope to improve my performance in my contracts to everyone around me and live more mindfully regarding the journey of everyone else as well. My contract with them even if brief and other contracts i have yet to experience. I had more written but the internet just stole it. I was expressing my sudden change in the way i looked at the world around me. Every interaction had the potential for something joyful and positive. I started hearing the words from this book being read back to me throughout my day like something bigger than me magically tried to remind me. A voice my mind created for Carolyn a woman i never met or heard before? Or the voice of my own intuition finally coming forth? It would make sense that i was unfamilar with the voice of my own intuition. I spent so much time being distracted i allowed myself to get caught up in the matters of this world instead of developing my relationship with my own intuition. That intuition which is NOT susceptible to worldly influence and ego. Intuition remains steadfast waiting for each of us to listen. I wish there were apps for smartphones that would allow you to swipe past any crowd and light up colors over each person to tell us how much burden they carry. Red would be the highest in severity. Perhaps it would help remind us that we are all the same and all in need of mercy and compassion? I hope to unfold more each day to the better parts of me aching to burst forth. Til that app is invented then maybe this can be your reminder? It surely is mine:) A MUST read. namaste