Monthly Archives: September 2012

Talkin to myself again…

Facebook.ugh. It seemed like a good idea at the time… I truly LOVED myspace. Someone at work told me about facebook and i checked it out for a sec but i didnt really like it. It seemed so plain and uncolorful. Lifeless. There was so much more creativity with myspace.  Everyone’s page was soo completely different! The art, the layouts,the themes. I really did connect on myspace with people. I actually used the instant message on there . I recall of only a handful of times when i used the facebook messenger. People really shared blogs and it seemed like you were really in your own space and you could go visit people. Facebook is so IN YOUR FACE when you log in. You get a giant feed of what others post that takes up most of your page.  I do like to stay connected but it seems facebook really  only seems to continuously inflate and massage egos. It doesn’t have a cool vibe and it never did. I see young ladies post hundreds and hundreds of photos of themselves in absurd poses to make themselves look skinnier and to give off the appearance of being somebody they are not.  Its incredibly sad because i have three daughters , a stepdaughter and a granddaughter.I can see how people may look at me and judge my vanity for wearing clothes that look attractive on me  and adorning myself. I am talking about a chronic issue these days. Two of my daughters deactivated their account because they got fed up with the drama and the crazy boldness people discover within themselves when they log on and come visit ones facebook page.  There is a rudeness arising within the community of social networks and a brazenness about peoples perspectives towards one another that is alarming. There was a day when people would on occasion wonder what others were thinking. Well it is now a reality. Just visit facebook and most of your dear friends and family and their dear friends will tell you what they think of you and everything in the world whether you ask them or not. Even people i hold a rare special place in my heart have become entrapped in the matrix of facebook.

My very best friend girlfriend has not called me in months. I rarely ever hear her voice. She has not visited me since i was married two years ago.  she logs on everyday and posts endless photos of the same twenty people in her family. She will come back online or keep it logged in permanently through her smart phone so she can respond quickly to comments posted on her facebook. But she will not call me. I am not judging her. i adore her. I use her merely as an example to express the madness most of the American population has now  become blind robots to. I miss hearing her voice. I miss getting letter in the mail from her. I miss the smell of her hug when we got the rare chance to spend time together. we used to have incredible conversations about life and emotions and God and possibilities.  That is something that facebook does NOT offer.  We used to walk her dogs together. We would cook alot in her kitchen and watch endearing or comical movies together. We now only learn of one another by visiting our facebook.  Most people in western culture log into facebook every single day. Why doesn’t facebook offer a daily positive feed about good things going on in the world? why doesnt the company ever offer positive encouragement to its incredibly faithful members each day to help us all throughout our day or to inspire people to be better than what they are? It has only accomplished alot of competitive , backbiting, egocentric, robots.  People are only commenting on stupid shit like the 173rd latest pic of you standing there puckering your mouth or making that pinched up facial expression that gives the impression you just ate a bowlful of lemons….. I truly have a need to connect with people. Truly really connect. We have become programmed by this internet lifestyle. We are now desensitized to so much overt sexual expression, violence, lawlessness,crime,fear,NEGATIVITY. Instead of posting your plagiarized version of Paul Coehlo so all your facebook friends can oo and aaahhh at  you cause your soo evolved, why dont you actually read the books and try to live what he inspires?  Its hard to believe how chat rooms are nearly a thing of the past. At least people gathered together for discussions about real life.   I see strangers get into fights on facebook because they made comments on a mutual friends facebook  page for many social circles to see that was blunt and insensitive .  Why is there only a ‘LIKE” button anyway? When will they create the “RUDE” button or “uncalled for”  or ” Bully” or “where’s the class?” button?

My sister in law discovered how her phone still listens to everything she says even if its only sitting near her. Every conversation she had would alert some program to adjust the advertisements that popped up on her phone to match the conversation she was having.  Everything you say and do online is saved and used somehow/somewhere. I do not say this to foster any fear in the world. If i were afraid i wouldnt be sitting here talking to myself on a blog that i share with noone except for strangers. I am waiting for the school bus to drop my daughter off so i can go pick her up since they do not take her home. ( a whole other drama) I need an excuse to sit. It is a rare opportunity for me to sit long except for driving or for other such necessary reasons.  I digress…

I think it is important to remember that everything you say online, especially facebook is heard far louder than you may want. And perhaps in ways you did not wish for it to be heard. If we realized on a regular basis the importance of choosing our words more wisely then we more than likely would NOT talk on facebook to the level that people do. My stepdaughter took photos of herself and her friends in their bikinis every single time they laid out at their pool then posted all the girls lined up in several different poses on facebook. So what for? What is the message being conveyed here? Are you posting this tenth photo to say that you and your friends did absolutely nothing with your free time but take photos of yourselves doing nothing? Yet you all wanted everyone to see that you did nothing while in your bikinis? I may have grandbabies but i am not ashamed of the way i look in a bikini and most people cannot say that at 40. This is not about some petty competition. There is a serious problem out there in the cyber world and its time someone at least talk about it. I deleted a friend and blocked her because after i read all her thoughts i never expected her to share on facebook, i realized she was a very unlikable person and i did not want to associate myself with people like her. Maybe that was hasty? I am not looking back. I think it could be possible that she didn’t realize how she needed better boundaries with her comments but she is not my ministry. At one point, this person joined some dating company and started  giving every detail of every encounter she had with the men she met. Her daily posts became things like”Well my first prospect was a total bore..he actually thought it would be interesting to me to listen to him go on and on about hunting?” She went on to mutilate the character of a guy she had only met but not yet gone out with. Its a good thing she didn’t hand out her facebook info right away or else that poor sap who had the great misfortune of  crossing paths with crazy woman would have been humiliated at her scathing review of his phone efforts at that point in the dating game. Is she like this everyday? all the time? I cannot believe that people wouldnt at least use some self control when in public or face to face with people, those same people forget all such courtesies when logged into facebook . Since they are not in front of you it does not mean they are not real. I could rant on and on about all the absurdities of social networks like facebook but i think my point has been made. The biggest point being that all these high tech tools we are living with on a daily basis is not offering us a closer connection to people in reality. I deleted my personal account a long time ago.  Every time i log on to post our next festival where we will be selling our wood products, I always make the mistake of reading whats going on with others on my friends list. I always end up feeling lost in a strangeland when i see how everyone pretends to interact with each other. I always feel  like everyone on there just doesnt get it or i am the crazy one. Mostly,  i miss how people would call each other on the phone.It was a long craze for people to get together in person for book clubs.  Even in the 90’s people met in groups all over the nation every single week to watch Beverly Hills 90210 and that show that came on afterwards and they were at best glamorously cheesy. I didnt even watch the shows but i loved getting together with friends  where i would meet other peoples friends and we would all cook  together and laugh and i do not remember the name of the shows but  i loved the time we all spent having cool conversation  with one another. The internet has alot to offer but most people seem  to want to connect with others too like i do or else they wouldnt log on to a network that connects everyone they know under one site. But its fake.  Noone has to actually talk to each other anymore because they can ignore the phonecall and text back when they feel like it. There is no more accountability towards one another. This separation of community hurts everyone. It trickles down into so many different facets of our society.  This zero tolerance for bullying in most schools is a joke now that there is cyber bullying as an option and noone to police the trouble makers. Instead of bringing people together for the common good of all, these network sites have placed a large wedge in the progress  of unity and harmony in the human race. All my friends have a twitter and talk about using it and all the drama that goes on amongst its members and yet none of  them bother to call me or answer when i call.That tells me that tweeting is more important than talking to me. i know that is not how they feel. We all show how we feel by how we behave. no matter how we intend to come across. Its the effort made and the intention taken to send out the vibe as well as the impression that it is important to take time out for people. real time. Not the hour you spend everyday gawking at the facades posted by all the people on your friends list. I do not have a twitter. One of my daughters told me about another site where she uploads pics to it instantly. no blogging or posting like other sites. Just posting instantly to their account pics they take with their smart phone. what the hell is pinit?  With so many sites to visit regularly, how does anyone get anything else done? Seriously. Who’s making dinner and healthy lunches for the children? Who is catching up on the days events with their precious children(growing up so quickly before their eyes) and spouses ? Who is taking fifteen minutes of everyday for prayer or exercise? HOw much time are people really spending online and how much time are they actually connecting with the human spirit within each of the people on their friends list? It did not make it easier to stay connected across the miles. It made people lazier to put in effort required to not lose this important connection with the ones that mean the most to us. What are we teaching our children? I waited tables at Outback several years ago as a single momma of three. I wanted to take my babies out once in awhile instead of serving everyone elses who didnt seem to care about being there or with their family at all and i could not help but take notice one evening at work that every table had children at them and every child at every table either had a cell and was texting on it or a playstation portable gadget and they were playing on that. Why in the hell take your family out to dinner so you can all ignore eachother? NO wonder we are so lost. I  would like to challenge all of you out there not reading my blog(hehe sarcasm intended) to consider turning off the tv and allowing NO phones at the dinner table and actually sitting down and eating with your family. Even if its at nine o clock at night. I also expect my children to drink only water but it has become a ritual and has become special to them.Like communion. They never gave me grief about water at dinner because they never noticed it with all the hangin out and silly conversations we had. We take time out everyday to talk to one another. Everyday you come home and turn the tv on or get in the car and turn on the radio is another day lost you will never get back to connect with your family or loved ones. Everyday you make that same choice is like telling your kids or your spouse that they are not as important as America’s Got Talent and they do not deserve to have a parent check up on their homework and offer help. everyday you let your family get up and leave without making any effort to help set their day off right is  one you lose on bonding time.  Carpooling even within seven to ten miles is ancient history. Most places of employment do not have kindred coworkers joining in brisk walks on lunchhour. EVERYONES IN A CAR! Let us take a minute to step back and look at how out of control this separation of people has become. Maybe if we recognize it in ourselves for a change rather than picking out all the flaws in everyone else each time they share something or post a photo or link, maybe then we can learn to disconnect from all these fancy gadgets and look up in front of us and actually make eye contact with one another again?

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Hands…

This is the first weekend I was completely off and free of obligation from my clients. I really needed the respite.This week seemed to be the most challenging from an emotional level.  One client is facing serious life issues and the words lung, lesion options are being used.She cares for her husband who is totally blind now and not capable of walking on his own. She is nearly 15years younger. They are a beautiful people.  She hasnt told her children. At this point she doesnt have enough information to  offer .  But she shared it with me. She cannot tell her husband. I felt honored in that moment to be sitting in the presence of this amazing black woman. She looks like a young thin version of Helen Martin who played  the mother on the old tv series Good Times.  She’s beautiful.  She shared stories about her sisters and a friend who had lungcancer. She promised herself she would not end up like they did.  Two years ago one of her sisters had one her lungs  removed.Somehow  they missed her other lung being covered in emphysema. She was immediately put on a respirator and Died shortly after. As stressful as my week has been I was humbled in that moment realizing  I am not facing the choices she is. I’m reminded again of J. Not two years older than myself who is covered in cancer. Lungs too.   My life continues while she now struggles to allow hers to continue. I wonder what she is thinking?     How will this play out? Could this have played out differently? She smoked like a chimney, she inundated her system with processed food,red meat, hair dye,breast implants and the like. Perhaps it’s meant to be? Perhaps we all get to choose our exit?Perhaps we are all meant to live to be old and earthy but we are now all setoff course today I count my many blessings but am most thankful I have chosen a more forgiving path regarding the quality of my life and my health. Waheguru