Monthly Archives: June 2012

The Truth is…

Truth is the aliens probably want us to keep behaving as we are so we can screw the planet up for us but prepare a new home for their mindful existence. We think we are a superior race above all creation. Why bother wasting energy trying to communicate and convince us of anything? The species more advanced might rather sit back and watch us kill ourselves off leaving a great playground left for only Goddess knows what.

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The utensils were floating to me…..

Since i was very young i have had a fascination with dreams. How they work, why we dream, what they really are…. I am still baffled when i have dreams where i can feel the strong symbolism in them but i have no idea what they mean.   Last night i dreamed that i walked into a room where G was sleeping on the floor with a BIG BIG grin on his face. I immediately wished to know what HE was dreaming of.  You could see the joy on his face. It was early morning and somehow i was the one who was supposed to wake everyone up. I went to the big living room where i found myself walking acrossed the large open hardwood floor to the other side of the room. I noticed i was walking towards my friend Tiffany who was working on some dance routine and facing a large stone fireplace. It was very quiet  in this big house wherever i was. I didnt disturb Tiff but instead i turned to leave. I noticed her youngest son was curled up in a ball in a large chair in the corner and he was sleeping.  I went to another room and saw my exhusband David lying on the ground sleeping as if he had slid out of his bed while he was sleeping.  I rustled him awake and turned away again and left the room. I went back out to the large open room where Tiffany was and right behind me was G.  As i turned and noticed him i began to sit down on some chair and as soon as i was seated i noticed behind G was a formation of wooden utensils marching in the air towards me in  perfect time with the other utensils. i was amazed. My ex sister in law Tanya came out of another room and was in awe of what we were seeing. She excited burst forth with” Did you see what he did???!” I was still watching the spatulas, ,spoons and wooden knives come towards me and one came out of formation to plractically jump in my left hand! G came up beside me as i was asking him how in the world he did this and he was smiling and saying something like “I’m just awesome like that baby…” with his charming big smile. I keep getting flashbacks of this dream as its after 2 in the afternoon now and Im so taken by this dream that it keeps crossing my mind. There is something significant as to why the utensil in front came to my hand. perhaps im missing part of the dream even. Like i saw it wrong as it was happening. Something gives me the impression that i had something to do with the utensil that placed itself in my left hand. Its not that important after all. Im only talking to myself again……

learning a whole new way

I have learned alot about people over the years.  Just when i think i have a pretty good perspective on things…it changes.  Growing up in a deeeply dysfunctional home I learned how to be a mind reader. I learned how to almost anticipate the next moves of everyone around me.  It was a great tool to have in order to protect myself. If i could guess what would happen next then perhaps I could by acting or NOT acting alter the outcome of any situation.  I knew by keeping my mouth shut most of the time then i could not be accused of things.  I hardly spoke to anyone until my second grade year of elementary school.  Noone could charge me with spoken words as i learned quickly not to put myself out there by speaking.  Most people i was subjected to or in the communities where i lived really did not interest me anyway.  Books was my doorway into the rest of the world.  I LOVED to read about how everyone else was living or had lived their life.  The world over seemed to be living a far more fascinating life than the life i was living.  As i got older, i knew that i could not avoid speaking all together as people were starting to question my mental and emotional wellbeing by being so quiet for so long.  I had alot to say. I just didnt want to say it to anyone within a hundred mile radius of my life. So much of what i learned really helped me protect myself and stay out of the way of all the volatility that surrounded me.  One learns throughout time though that as our surroundings change, the people in our immediate day to day and time itself changes, what has been working for our lives thus far, no longer fits.  It can be dangerous to stay stuck in a set way of life. We can become so limited by refusing to change with the changing times that we miss out on new growth, new opportunities and undiscovered magic all around us.  I personally, am learning a whole new way at this juncture.I no longer have to try to read others minds for fear of being hurt physically or emotionally.  I no longer have to trust that I can only trust myself. I no longer have to be ten steps ahead of everyone else.   The rest of the world is NOT as dangerous and harmful as my childhood was.  Therapy used to be a good mechanism for learning to let go of that which no longer serves us.  I do not trust someone just because they are a therapist.  There life does not exemplify anything i am striving for.  So i have chosen this blog as my own therapy..  I hope to let go of that which no longer serves me and trust myself and my creator to pick up new ideas and tools that will better serve my path.  I may speak of things that piss people off. I may speak of things that seem totally absurd.  But i am learning to speak and I hope to shed a little light along the way to others who are trying as hard as i am to acclimate myself to a whole new way of life. A whole new way of thinking. I surely do not mean to offend anyone by my words. I am doing this in hopes of getting out the disturbing energy in my day to day life in order to move on to a better way.  Afterall, its not what happpens to you in this world that should be the major event in living, but its how you choose to react to it that matters most.  I want to know that if i cannot change things or people i can learn to trust in the one thing i can change. Me. Thank you for joining me on this journey. Its alot cheaper than therapy. 🙂